Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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