so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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