Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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