I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize