We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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