she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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