you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize