I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize