i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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