Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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