He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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