There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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