put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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