I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize