Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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