When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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