Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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