hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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