so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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