I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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