Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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