I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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