Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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