Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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