When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
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Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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