Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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