when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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