But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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