we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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