Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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