i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize