Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I forget how to act sober
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize