i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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