Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize