Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize