Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
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Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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