wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize