Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize