so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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