Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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