I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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