she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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