hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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