just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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