I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize