I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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