So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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