I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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