you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize