This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize